Olethea Pimenta • August 19, 2026
Have you ever had a friend who keeps talking about leaving her relationship?
She knows she’s unhappy. She’s explained all the reasons. She’s said – I’m done. And then…nothing.
That person might even be you.
You know the relationship isn’t working. You may even know that you want to leave. But knowing the decision and actually making it happen are two very different things.
This kind of relationship ambivalence can make it incredibly difficult to move from knowing what you want to do to actually doing it.
People often assume that if you haven’t left, you must still believe your partner will change. That you’re hopeful, caught in a fantasy and so they talk sense to you.
Sometimes that’s true. But often, I think something else is happening:
You know you can tolerate a little more. You brush, you floss, you drink your water. You can do this.
Nothing has to happen today. You can wait until after this holiday. After one more conversation.
You’re not thinking, “Maybe they will become a completely different person.”
Instead it’s more like, “I can manage this for now.”
And because you are a very competent person, you probably can.
But being able to tolerate something is not the same as wanting it.
You can be in an unhappy relationship and still feel capable of getting through another day, another week, or another difficult conversation.
A relationship that isn’t going well can take up so much mental space.
You are thinking about what your partner said. What they didn’t say. Whether you should bring it up. Whether bringing it up will help. Whether you are asking for too much. Whether you should give it one more chance.
Meanwhile, you still have to grocery, call a friend for a birthday, and do regular life things.
Then leaving appears on your list as one more task.
It’s hard to take action, it becomes easier to tolerate. This can contribute to the difficulty leaving a relationship, even when you know that staying is making you unhappy.
Here is the unfair part.
A difficult relationship can take up so much of your energy that you have less time for friendships, family, or anything that might help you feel like yourself again.
You become more dependent on the relationship for care and companionship—even when the relationship is not giving you enough of either. This kind of emotional dependency can make leaving feel even more complicated.
The relationship creates some of the vulnerability that makes it difficult to leave. You don’t just have to imagine losing your partner. You may have to imagine losing your main source of familiarity, practical support, and hope.
That is a lot to ask of someone who is already tired. For some people, these patterns can contribute to relationship burnout and leave them feeling stuck in emotionally draining relationships.
When there isn’t an immediate safety concern, I don’t usually begin by telling someone to leave.
I begin by asking: Can you work – not from home today? Can you meet up with that one friend for dinner? Let’s walk and talk outside today. Let’s go and get some perspective.
You may not be waiting for your partner to change. You may be waiting until leaving feels survivable. The fear of leaving can be very real, particularly when so much of your life has become connected to the relationship.
If you already know the relationship needs to end but cannot yet see how to do it, therapy can help you understand what is keeping you there, rebuild support around you, and begin moving forward—with less pressure and more care. For women and relationships, having the right relationship support can make it easier to understand what you need and what comes next. If you’re looking for Toronto relationship therapy, this can be a place to start exploring these questions without being pressured into a decision before you’re ready.
