Olethea Pimenta • September 17, 2026
If your family became distant, disconnected or less supportive after your mom died, you are not imagining it.
For many of the women I work with who lost their moms young, the loss changes more than their emotional lives. It changes the structure of their entire family.
You may still be showing up for everyone in the same ways, but other people no longer seem to show up for you. There may be an unspoken expectation that you will continue doing what you have always done without anyone asking what you need.
Your mom may have been your biggest supporter. She may also have been the person who kept everyone connected.
Her presence brought people together, softened tensions and helped relationships continue. After she died, those same relationships may have begun to feel distant or one-sided.
You may now be realizing that much of the care you experienced within your family came through your mom. Without her, other family members may not know how—or may not be willing—to maintain the same connection.
During your mom’s illness, you may have become deeply involved in caring for her and supporting your family.
Your own life may have gone on hold. Meanwhile, other family members continued giving their attention to their partners, children, work and other responsibilities.
After your mom died, they returned to lives that had continued developing. You may have been left with a life that had been suspended and a family that still expected you to remain available.
You gave so much when your family needed you. Now that you need care, you may be discovering that they cannot give you what you gave them. Of course you feel angry.
You may keep showing up, hoping someone will notice how much you are struggling and finally offer you the same level of care. When that does not happen, you can feel abandoned all over again.
Taking a step back does not mean you do not love your family. It may mean recognizing that continuing to overextend yourself will not create the relationship you are waiting for.
You still need care. You may simply not be able to access all of it from your family.
I work with women who lost their moms young and are trying to understand how the loss changed their families, their responsibilities and their own lives.
Therapy can help you make sense of your anger, see what your family is realistically able to offer and decide where you may need to step back. We can also work on building support outside of relationships that leave you depleted.
The goal is not to force yourself to accept less than you need. It is to stop putting your life on hold while waiting for care that may not come—and begin building relationships and a future in which you can be cared for too.
Olethea Pimenta is a Registered Psychotherapist who works with women who lost their moms young.
She brings both lived experience and clinical expertise to help you untangle the patterns that have been holding you back—and guide you back to your own power.
